The Kindergarten Blues

We arrived this morning at school just under the wire. I swore we were going to be late, but we made it just in time. I was still grappling with my own disappointment from yesterday but I stifled it for Peter as best as I could. He was perfectly oblivious to anything that was going on with me. He could not wait to get to school. He got dressed, got his shoes on and ate breakfast all by himself without our so much as giving him a suggestion. He picked out his new guitar shirt to wear, and he did so with pride.

We arrived at school amidst the chaos and confusion and hustle and excitement of the first day. I had to admit that I was happy to know that starting the next day, we'd be dropping him off well before the start of school at daycare and we wouldn't have to deal with this mad house too often. We parked the car a million and a half miles away and walked to his class room. Apparently it had cleaned up nicely (I didn't see it yesterday when it was still the storage facility), but in my opinion it looked like shit. It's a portable class room so no windows. The only thing illuminating the cavernous space were a few flickering flourescent lights, which was actually probably all for the best since the only rug they had on the floor in the corner where they do circle is SKAN.KEE. There was no hominess about it. It was not a cozy space.

As we arrived to the sea of new faces, Peter found his new BFF and happily got to some business of serious playing. They didn't have dress up clothes for him yet, but apparently they are ordered and on their way. As I looked around the room, I saw many other parents there with the same expression on their faces that I felt in my heart. I don't know if there's a single word for it but confusion, disappointment, wonderment, anger, sadness, and happiness all rolled up into one is probably the best description I can come up with. I waited for the teacher to approach us and welcome us to her classroom. We waited, and waited, and waited. I was also waiting for her to greet Peter, which I never actually saw her do. So we kissed Peter goodbye and then left. It was so anticlimactic. I wanted something more. In wanting that, I felt like I was being a spoiled child. So that feeling turned to guilt, because at the end of the day, it's not about me. It's about Peter, and he was clearly over the moon happy about his new beginning.

I was in no mood at that point to mingle at the coffee social, but I tried. I felt so out of place, standing there pouting about the whole situation. Mercifully, the PTA president came over and struck up conversation. We chatted for a couple minutes and once our conversation ended, I realized it was time I took my pouty ass home.

On our way back to the car, we saw and started chatting with another parent of a child in the class. If it is possible, we actually met someone who is more unhappy about the situation than I was. It was hard looking in that mirror, and when Ant called him a whiner, I again realized that it's not about me. Dude really was a whiner. I found myself trying to point out all the positive aspects of this situation and he repeatedly rebuffed them.


And here is our happy-go-lucky Big Kindergartener!